New Year’s Resolutions
Happy New Year! I usually don’t do resolutions. Mostly because life was going fine. I was happy where I was and didn’t see the need to implement a list of tasks that didn’t fit with the life I’d chosen. But this year is different. I need some resolutions to change my direction. So here are my top five.
I am resolved to…
1. Engage with people more.
I’ve worked from home for 14 years, gradually withdrawing from the society of live humans to the social media front. Don’t get me wrong. Some of my best friends are from far away states and the daily contact with them keeps me sane. My like minded friends are remote. It’s probably for the best. We’d never get anything done if we all lived in the same town, but oh, the heart thumps at just the thought of having them near! So my increased engagement will be with live humans, but also driving my online network into deeper waters.
2. Be kind.
This one speaks for itself. Kindness and mercy are rare. People automatically jump to disdain and defensiveness. I want to break out of that “norm” and show myself and others a measure of kindness that is not common.
Kindness to self: I want to quit putting myself down with my thoughts. Stop calling myself names in my head. Believe I deserve the life I want.
Kindness to others: Smile. Speak the nice words, hold the words of correction or critique, be honest only when invited to be, otherwise keep my mouth shut. Try to be aware of people and not just driven by the task at hand. (That is very hard for me. I am a tasker.) Serve more, demand less.
3. Set my focus on retrieving the heart that was lost.
This is the big one for me this year. A VIP in my life made a decision that broke my heart. The first part of the year will be spent trying to understand the decision, see it from his perspective. Listen. Discuss without judging, make sure all the information is available. Pray with the might of a hurricane. Examine my own heart, get rid of panic and fear and replace it with faith and trust. Listen. Discuss some more. Offer love and options. Keep praying. Keep discussing. Keep listening. Keep offering information and options without resorting to manipulation or controlling tactics. Allow him space, offer him love and acceptance. Be a safe place for him.
4. Quit letting life happen to me and get out there and be a life force for others.
The past year slammed me with great loss at least once every month. Rapid fire circumstances and dramatic life changing events just pelted me like an endless boxing match. I retreated into a crouching posture, covered my head, and hoped it would end soon. It didn’t. Depression, a guest I’d never entertained, moved into my home. He is an abusive house mate. He leads to self destruction. I ate too much. I sat down and stopped moving. I listened to his constant commentary. I let him take control of everything.
I let life happen to me. This was a problem. I’d always been the strength for others. My family, my friends, my coworkers. They’d come to depend on me over the years. I was supposed to be the strong one, unflappable.
But this year I was flapping. Flapping in the wild winds of the constant barrage of bad stuff, I passively crumpled under the sheer weight of life circumstance for the first time ever. It all culminated in a blow to my previously unwavering faith. At my lowest, weakest, moment, the one string of hope that I dangled in the wind by, was severed. My faith, stretched beyond belief, snapped.
I fell, wildly grasping at the frayed remnants until I realized the bent and crooked threads would not help me even if I did grab a hold of one. So I curled into a ball and fell into a great and bottomless void of the unknown.
I’m still falling.
But now I’m awake and aware. As I open my eyes, I see most people are falling right along side of me. Some have eyes wide open. They know they lack understanding, but they are searching for an air current. Some have found a jet stream to take them onward to a destination of hope.
Others are like I was. Curled into a ball, eyes closed, waiting for the next object to pelt them. Some don’t even know they are falling. They smile and posture, with eyes closed, sure that they are on firm foundation. But it’s a delusion. They’re falling, just the same as everyone else.
Then there is another group. A network of outstretched arms and legs, intertwined. Their eyes are open, their arms are connected in a strong hold. They are the skydivers, with life force pumping like adrenalin. They have learned the cause of the fall is irrelevant. What is important is the experience. What brings meaning is sharing the experience with others. They aren’t trying to solve it. They aren’t trying to understand it. They are just joining together to enjoy it and share that joy with as many who will open their eyes and connect.
So my resolution is to stop fearing the lonely fall and start enjoying the *Relative Work of a *formation dive with others.
Too many times we hold back words of affirmation because we don’t want to put ourselves in an awkward situation. That’s just crap. The world is a lonely place and we are all just trying to make it from one moment to another. If you have positive thoughts about someone, speak them aloud. Tell that person you like their new hair-do. Express your appreciation to someone who has been there for you. SAY it. Don’t assume they know. Speak your love. Life is short. I’ve lost too many people to ever hold my life words again. If something I say, brings a glimmer, a second, a moment of joy to another person, I’m going to say it.
So readers, friends, and family, thank you for following me this year. I know it’s been quite a mess of a year. Thank you for the comments, the shares, the support. I’m holding out my hands. Let’s latch on and get to the relative work of creativity, connection, and building a better world.
What are your top five resolutions?