Grief and Loss: @!*D$&%@!!!!! Anger Management

Anger swings to the forefront of your grief process. What do you do with the build up of adrenaline that churns at your gut, or broils in your chest, or clamps your teeth like a vice?  If your loss affects the whole family, you will see your children react with energy bursts in their hands, feet and mouth. It’s important to give these energy bursts an outlet before they build pressure and start to have a negative effect on your body, or leak out to hurt people you love.

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Adults need to embrace exercise now more than ever. When you are feeling loss, your instinct may be to shut down, sleep, and just sit on the couch. It is important that you find time to peel yourself off the sofa and move your body. Go for a walk, a bike ride, to the gym. Do something to sweat out the toxins that grief and anger dump in your system. Sweat and tears are your friend right now. They carry away the poison of loss. Stay hydrated and go sweat.

Children need to be given permission to release the wiggles.

  • They will have a burst of energy and begin to scream or shout. The worst thing to do is tell them to be quiet. That will just cause more anger. Give them a pillow to scream into. Encourage them to scream it out into the pillow any time they feel the urge. After a family loss, I took my kids out into the country, far from people and we had a scream. We bellowed loud and long into the empty field and ended up falling on the ground, laughing at the silliness of it all.Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/8189069@N03/5047813062/">CROWLEY PHOTOGRAPHY</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>
  • Children will pinch, hit, slap, push. Explain that it is inappropriate to hurt people or animals, but you understand they need to express with their hands the anger inside of them. Give them something to do with their hands. Put on boxing gloves and give them a bean bag to punch. Take them to a tennis wall or racquetball court. Let them hit balls against a wall for as long as they need to. A volleyball against the side of the house, a batting cage, find an age appropriate way for them to expend the energy in their hands. (Hey, join in, you probably need this too!)
  • Another place that energy builds up for kids is their feet. They may kick, stomp, run in Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/66998277@N04/6099264581/">CrazyCarrot1</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>place or jump up and down. When you see this, introduce opportunities for them to expel energy. Jogging, running, dancing, karate lessons, trampoline, dog walks. They need to know what they are feeling is normal and have permission to move their feet appropriately. After my divorce, I bought a trampoline for my kids. We all used it. It was great therapy.

 

 

 


 

Emotive Educational Activity: 2 Taking Control

“She left me to deal with this mess!”

In those moments when denial is asleep and the reality of it all comes crashing through, you may experience great anger at the situation. This is normal. It is part of the process and cannot be skipped and should not be ignored.

 

Speak: I am angry at (name the loss).

 Write:  Write a short note to your loss expressing your anger. “Dear Absence of ____, you frickin’ idiot! How dare you leave me at this time when I needed you most!”  Use your own words and express the anger broiling in your chest.

Action: It’s about to get physical up in here. Make a mental list of physical activities that you can do. Identify something you can do that is physical to deal with the adrenalin that anger releases into your system. Today is not about actually getting off the couch, it’s just about thinking about physical activities. What are some things you can do? Walk, yoga, hit some balls, run, beat up a pillow. Of course we’re not going take frustration out on another person or animal, but you need to release the toxins that have built up in your body. List three physical activities that you used to enjoy or that you’ve always considered.


 

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LaDonna Cole, Author is a Psychiatric Nurse and Anger Management Therapist. She specializes in story therapy, writing books and stories that encourage recovery. Check out her books here.

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RELEASE DAY: The Sphere Chronicles

Yay! It’s here. The next installment of The Holding Kate Series; The Sphere Chronicles! The bridge book 2.5 to get you ready for The Source, Book III in the Holding Kate Series.

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Isn’t she gorgeous? This collection of short stories is the perfect fix for Heartwork Village and Ampeliagia fans alike. Hop a sphere to Galapagos, Italy, and Hawaii, for harrowing adventures with sharks, playful encounters on beaches, and star-gazing romance. Take a sphere to the past to encounter the early years of some of your favorite Holding Kate characters. Take a jump through the veil to Jewel City thousands of years after Corey and the chartreuse team founded it. Meet their descendants and fight with the Cheleuthi warriors. Romance, ghosts, beach bumming, dragon slayers, unrequited love, and a kiss to spark a fire to your Kindle, this book brings Spheres right to your imagination. (Oh and zombies. Did I forget to mention the zombies?)

Something for everyone.

Click to purchase.

“I read a story a day. The stories are just right with a cup of coffee in the mornings.”

“I’m crushing on Staid.”

“I was right there under the stars with them.”

“Makes me want The Source to hurry up and get here.”

 

 

The Sphere Chronicles: Jump a Sphere into Imgagination

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The Sphere Chronicles

In the sphere…anything can happen.

Explore the early years of some of your favorite characters. Take the lost zombie jump. Get to know the descendants of the two century jumpers. Travel to exotic locations to fight sharks, surf waves, and visit a haunted Italian Villa. This collection of short stories is the perfect fix for Holding Kate Series fans.

Heartwork Village friends as you’ve never seen them.

 

Jump a sphere into imagination on March 10, 2015

Excerpts

“Trouble just seems to find me. I don’t go looking for it. It just sniffs me down and before I know it—BAM! Detention, right between the eyes. Too many of those and “hit the road Jack,” expelled. Well, on this fine November morning, trouble’s nose just happened to be on the face of the kid two rows over and three seats up in homeroom. He singled me out from the moment Ms. Plummer stammered, “C-class. This is Donald Dungeon…”

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“Macy took Dirk’s hand and led him along the corridor, stepping gingerly around dead bodies.”

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“I pressed the razor against the scar on my thigh. A line of red beads rose to the surface, shiny and glistening against the white skin. Fascinated, I watched them grow and then merge, forming a long trickle as gravity forced the scarlet line between the ridges of my scars to race toward the ground.”

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“Bodies staggered toward them, moaning and gurgling, dripping black ooze from multiple wounds. Limping and struggling, bones protruding from flesh-peeled fingers, they groped toward the group of teens.”

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“I must tell you.” The eerie voice reverberated in the darkness. “I must… I must tell…must tell you.” Echoes overlapped and gnarled together like roots of an ancient elm. Some sounding as distant screams, others as whispers of breath on the ear.”

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“Quite possibly the most perfect first kiss ever, with the surf at their backs and the stars swimming above, their blood pumped in rhythm with the energy of the night.”

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“The evil dragon, Dracosphynx, bellowed in rage, rattling the teeth of the strike force. His red hide glistened, covered in shimmering iridescent scales to his chest. Toothy spikes lined his back and tail, and his muscles rippled in exertion.”

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Staid pushed up from his stool and stood, emptied his tankard and said, “There is nothing greater than love, Bard.” He set his cup down and poked Manifus in the chest. “You should know this.”

 

Read these stories and more in The Sphere Chronicles on March 10th.

Grief and Loss: Part 1 Breathe

Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/35916758@N04/6281003099/">milkandblue</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>Loss. It has a way of ripping us apart inside. Whether the loss is a loved one, a family unit, a sense of wellbeing, or a way of life, loss changes the landscape of our future. It leaves us in a foreign and unfriendly land, fighting our way back to any semblance of normalcy, all the while wrapping us in a wet blanket sinking to the bottom of the ocean in this foreign and inhospitable place.

It is an unfair foe. Not only does it leave you feeling misplaced and alone, but it strikes from the shadows. It hides beneath the surface and attacks suddenly at the most unpredictable times. If ignored, grief can lead to depression and even physical illness. It just sits in the shadows, poisoning you.

It’s time to do something about it. Take control of your life. Kill the poisonous and insidious creature lurking in your soul. Together we can find our way back to wholeness.

The stages of grief are not set in stone. No matter where this blog finds you in your grieving process it can help put some order back into your life. If you find yourself in depression but don’t know why, try to identify the moment of loss that pushed you over the edge. Was it a thought that wouldn’t leave you? A phrase spoken hastily by a loved one, that echoed in your mind until it changed your own perceptions? What point was something precious ripped away from you?


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Emotive Educational Activity 1 Breathe

“Your daddy passed away last night.”

“No!”

It is the first thought after bad news. “No! It just can’t be.” Even after reality sets in, you will find yourself saying “It just doesn’t seem real.” That is your psyche trying to protect you from a dump of reality. It doles out the pain of loss in increments of reality, then steps back intermittently. Giving you time to process the vacuum, it releases small increments of oxygen, called denial.

Loss is unfathomable.

Today, give yourself permission to breathe. Dance with denial for a few moments, it’s okay. It is a great protector at this point in the process.

 

Speak: I give myself permission to breathe.

 

Write: Put into words. What would this moment look like if I had not had this loss? What would I be doing right now, if the loss never happened?  (Example: If dad were alive today, we would have coffee at Starbucks and talk about his last fishing trip.)

Connect with a professional mental health provider in your area. They will help you walk through the process of recovery. Let me know if you need help finding someone.

Can you recall a moment in your life when a loss stole your breath? What did you do about it?

LaDonna Cole RN BS CART, writes wild adventurous stories that pierce the heart with their themes aimed toward grief recovery. Find her published works and contact here.

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Face Lift

A teen girl takes a wrong turn after her parents divorce and finds herself in a recovery center that uses quantum jumps as grief recovery.

Twelve weeks of fun focus sessions where kids and teens play their way through the stages of grief recovery.

A middle school foster kid connects with a family who walk with him through recovery from loss.

Sammy has a secret and he carries it with him through every moment of his life.

What do you get when you mix a monkey and an elephant? You get an elephonkey. Children learn about blended families.


 

FACE LIFT

It doesn’t matter what I write, the theme of grief recovery comes through loud and clear, so this blog is getting a face lift. We are going to concentrate on the stages of grief and how to write a better story for  ourselves and our loved ones.  We’ll take excerpts from stories and curriculum to start a conversation. We’ll discuss the stages of grief, symptoms to be aware of, and how they affect different age groups. We’ll even hear Excerpts from the Experts.

Grief is temporary. It is a state that fills the vacuum left by loss. It passes. Joy never dies. It is the state of your immortal soul. This blog provides windows of escape, stories of passage, portals from temporary grief-stained moments to the immortal staying well of Joy.

Welcome to Immortal Portals.

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Stages of Grief

1. Anger and Denial: I clump these two together because they are waltzing partners. About the time you realize you are well entrenched in one, the other takes the lead and spins you around in 3/4 time.

2. Bargaining:This stage takes a different face depending on your age and circumstance. We will explore all the ways that children, teens, and adults bargain their way through loss.

3. Despair: The crash, the burn, the lowest of lows. Don’t let this one destroy you. It is actually significant. It tells you that you are just about done. You’ve stopped blaming and playing games. You are ready to heal.

4. Acceptance: You are ready to step through the portal into your natural state of being; Joyful.

5. Staying Well: I add this one as the fifth stage of grief because it takes awhile before the portal you’ve stepped through stops trying to suck you back to the side of sadness. It is important to anchor yourself firmly through active staying-well activities.


 

Taking Back My Immortality

So today, I leave you with an Emotive Educational Activity. This is something you can do for yourself. No matter where you are in your recovery from loss, this EEA will help you.

Get a pen and paper. Think of the last time you felt real cheek-burning-soul-swelling-sparkle-bubbly JOY. Write down the experience. Describe the feels it gave you. Where were you? What was happening? Write down as much detail as you can. Conjure up the feelings, relive the moment.

When you get to the peak of that feeling, send out into the universe the thought “I’m taking back my immortal joy.”

Try to repeat this activity every day for as many joyful memories as you can evoke. Don’t forget the last step. At the peak of your remembering, speak, think, grab a hold of “I’m taking back my immortal joy.” Call it to you.

Until next time, friends.

Immortal Joy